


I Want to Go Somewhere (As Long as It's Not the Spring Court)

by mad_fangirl



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: A little bit of angst, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Nesta and Cassian try to figure their shit out, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, excessive snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 16:55:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17369804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mad_fangirl/pseuds/mad_fangirl
Summary: After an argument with Feyre, Nesta is alone with Cassian in the House of Wind. Smut, angst, some healing, and a bit of fluff ensue.





	I Want to Go Somewhere (As Long as It's Not the Spring Court)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm terrible at writing summaries. I'm honestly not sure how this is going to go, but I wanted to write it, so here it is.  
> Leave me a comment below if you want!

Cassian rolled over on his bed and groaned as the walls of the townhouse shook. Clearly Nesta and Feyre were having another sisterly disagreement. It had started a few weeks ago, when Feyre had given Nesta an ultimatum: move in to the townhouse with the Mor, Azriel, and him, or have her sizeable allowance revoked. Nesta had grudgingly moved in, deciding that the money was more important than her living arrangement, and she had been getting into consistent screaming matches with Feyre ever since. 

Cassian wasn’t sure what this particular argument was about, but as a particularly violent tremor shook the walls, he decided some intervention was necessary. He sighed and pushed himself up, venturing out of his room and into the hallway. He could hear Nesta before he saw her. 

“….an adult, Feyre!” Nesta’s hoarse voice carried through the house. “You cannot control my life!”

The sisters came into view as Cassian came to a stop halfway down the stairs. Nesta was standing by the front door, wearing one of her rather plain looking gowns. Her hands were clenched at her sides, and her hair blew around her, despite the lack of a breeze. Cassian grimaced. Clearly, she still hadn’t figured out how to control her power when she was angry.

Feyre stood in front of Nesta, slightly farther down the main hall. Her right hand was on her cocked hip, a look of resignation on her face. Cassian watch as she brought her other had up to pinch the bridge of her nose. Rhys stood off to the side leaning against the wall, a board expression was painted across his face.

“I am your sister,” Feyre replied evenly, dropping her had and straightening her back, “and the High Lady of your court. I have every right to tell you that your drinking has exceeded the realms of acceptability.”

As Nesta’s eyes narrowed, another tremor shook the house. “This court may recognize you as high lady,” Nesta spat, “but you will always be an immature child.”

Cassian remained rooted to his spot on the landing as Feyre’s face hardened. It was best not to get in between the sisters unless absolutely necessary. 

“I may be young compared to other Fae,” Feyre admitted, “but do not ever forget that this child is the reason you lived long enough to get here.”

Silence descended on the room. Nesta’s glare deepened and her eyes burned. Cassian could see her chest heaving in effort as she tried to maintain control. A few heartbeats later, a smirk slowly crept up Nesta’s face. 

“At least I’m not the one who broke Elain,” she hissed.

All hell broke loose. 

Light and darkness shot out from Feyre as she shrieked. Cassian siphon’s glowed as he ran down the stairs, a shield appearing in front of Nesta just in time. Rhys lunged at Feyre, grabbing her around her waist.

“GET HER OUT OF HERE!” he bellowed at Cassian. “I can’t winnow her like this! GET HER BLOODY OUT OF HERE!”

Cassian dove at Nesta, grabbing her around the middle and dragging her out the door. The second he could see the sky, he scooped Nesta up and extended his wings, taking off into the air with a powerful flap. 

***

Nesta didn’t try to fight with Cassian as he held her, an act which greatly surprised him. All the fight seemed to have drained out of her with Feyre’s outburst. Cassian was sure he threw the siphons up before Feyre had hit her, though. There would be no physical injuries; nothing the sisters wouldn’t be able to fix. 

He landed on the balcony of the Nesta’s room in the House of Wind. The minute he touched the ground, Nesta was sliding out of his arms. She walked into the room, Cassian trailing behind her.

“Gods damn it, Nes.” Cassian scolded, running his hand through his hair. “The one damn thing that was sure to piss her off, and you had to say it.”

Nesta stopped in front of her bed, trailing a hand across the delicate comforter before turning around to face Cassian. 

“I mean, of all the stupid things you could say,” Cassian continued, “it had to be that.”

“Cassian,” Nesta interjected calmly.

“Elaine,” Cassian persisted. “You know not to talk about Elaine like that, like-”

“Cassian,” she repeated, firmer this time.

“She was something broken. You know she’s not broken, Nesta!” Cassian didn’t pause in his rant, disappointment and irritation evident in his voice. “And I have never seen Feyre that angry before. What the hell-”

“Cassian!” Nest yelled. Cassian closed his mouth, still scowling at Nesta. She took a step closer to him, meeting his eyes with a determined glare. “Take off your clothes.”

Cassian scoffed. “Oh, please Nes, now isn’t the time.” He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms in front of him. “You’ve never wanted anything I was offering. Stop trying to change the topic.” 

Nesta took a step closer. She could feel the heat radiating off of Cassian, but she didn’t reach out to touch him.

“Take.” She reached for her dress, undoing the first snap with a loud pop. “Off.” Another pop. “Your.” The third and final snap sounded like a gunshot through the room. “Clothes.” Nesta slid the dress off, letting it pool into a pile at her feet. 

She stood in front of Cassian, not breaking eye contact. His eyes trailed down her body. Her breasts heaved in her tight navy lace bra, the only sign that she wasn’t completely unaffected. Matching panties rode low on her hips, and Cassian groaned at the sight.

“Nesta,” Cassian rasped. He clenched and unclenched his fists at his side. A muscle in his jaw twitched as he stood still. “Nesta we can’t.”

Nesta reached for Cassian, threading her fingers through his hair. “Cassian,” exhaled, her breath caressing his neck. 

Cassian shook with the effort it took not to reach out and touch Nesta. To remain still. He exhaled as she learned up toward him, her mouth moving ever closer. Her hands slid down onto his shoulders, her nails digging into his leathers. 

“Nesta,” he pleaded, trying to maintain control.

She leaned up until she could whisper into his ear. Her lips grazed his skin as she asked again. “Please.”

Cassian growled, abandoning all self-control and sweeping Nesta into his arms with a searing kiss. She reached behind him, loosening his leathers until he could shrug them off. Cassian moved, backing Nesta against the wall as his tongue danced with hers. His wings flared out behind them. Nesta slid her thigh in between Cassian’s legs. He could feel her smirk at the hardness she felt.

“Already, Cassian?” she teased softly.

“Well,” Cassian replied smugly, shrugging off his shirt. “That tends to happen when beautiful females throw themselves at me.”

Nest chuckled, and Cassian thought it was the most beautiful sound he had heard. 

“I haven’t seen many females throwing themselves at you lately,” she murmured between kisses, her hands going to the waistband of his pants. “I guess I should keep my expectations,” she looked down pointedly, “…small.” 

A rumble emanated from Cassian’s chest and he leaned forward to nip at her bottom lip. He allowed Nest to slowly slide his pants down, sinking to her knees as she went. She exhaled against his cock. Warm air passed through his underwear and causing Cassian to shudder. Nesta began kissing and nipping at his thighs, inching her way higher towards where Cassian wanted her. Just as she reached the apex of his thighs, Nest stood up, sliding her body along Cassian’s as she went.

He groaned “You’ll be the death of me, Nesta.”

Nesta smirked and reached behind her to unhook her bra. Before she could unclasp the hooks, Cassian growled and grabbed Nesta’s hands, pinning them above her head. He leaned forward letting his teeth gaze her ear. 

“Let me.”

She nodded. He moved her arms down to her sides, and slowly bent to lick and kiss at her neck. Nesta’s breath caught as Cassian used his teeth to worry a spot just below where her neck met her shoulder.

He smirked, running his hands up her sides and reaching for the back of her bra. “I’ll have to remember that for later.”

Cassian slowly undid Nesta’s bra, continuing to lave affection onto her neck as he went. He slid the straps down her arms, pausing only to allow her to shrug the garment off. He groaned when her breasts came into view and palmed them, using his calloused thumbs to stroke across her erect nipples. Nesta’s breath hitched as Cassian leaned down, taking one nipple into his mouth. Her hands wove into his hair and her head rolled back, hitting the wall with a soft thud. Cassian grinned at the sound. He stroked his tongue across the nipple in broad, flat movements, using his other had to pinch and rub the neglected breast. 

“Cassian!” Nest exclaimed, pulling his hair roughly. Cassian grinned up at her from where he had just bitten her nipple and proceeded to suck the already sensitive flesh. Nesta moaned, carding her hands through his hair again. He released her nipple with a soft pop, moving to give the same treatment to the other breast. 

When Nesta had been reduced to a mess of pants and the tugs on his hair were becoming more insistent, Cassian released her nipple. He slowly slid his hands down to her panties, tracing his fingers along the edges.

He looked up at Nesta, meeting her eyes with nothing but sincerity. “Are you sure?” he inquired, his voice rough.

“Cassian,” Nest panted, “I swear to the cauldron the if you do not continue right now, I will remove any semblance of manhood you still have.”

Cassian grinned, and slowly slid the panties off of her hips and down her legs. Nesta expected him to take his time teasing her, drawing out every moan until she was begging for his hands, mouth, anything he would give her, but Cassian surprised her. The second she stepped out of her panties Cassian had hooked one of her legs over his shoulder, diving into her folds with a slow, firm stroke. 

“Cassian!” nest screamed. His tongue traced delicate patterns on her sensitive bud before plunging into her. She moaned as he licked at her inner walls, clutching at his hair, before he moved back to her sensitive clit. After what felt like hours, she felt something rough and thick rubbing around her entrance. Nesta looked down just in time to see Cassian slowly slide a finger into her. She rolled her hips against his hand as he moved his finger in and out, slowly fucking her. A second finger soon joined the first, and then a third. Cassian never stopped lavishing attention onto her sensitive clit as he continued to thrust his fingers in and out of her hole. An obscene squelching sound accompanied each movement, though neither of them could be bothered to care. When Cassian suddenly hooked his fingers and rubbed against a harder spot of her walls, Nesta screamed and clenched around his head, feeling wave after wave of pleasure roll through her. Cassian continued to move his fingers through her orgasm, only ceasing when Nesta pushed his head away. 

Nesta slid her leg of his shoulder, noticing that his mouth and chin glistened with her juices. A sharp tug on his hair told Cassian that she wanted him to stand. Nesta kissed Cassian, plunging her tongue into his mouth to taste herself on him. She decided she liked it. 

Cassian groaned again “Nes, please,” he begged, skimming his hands along her sides. She hushed him, slipping out from between him and the wall and moving to lay on the bed. Cassian stood, rooted to the spot, as Nesta slowly spread her legs. 

“Well?” She inquired, “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Cassian was on Nesta in an instant. He tried to tug his boxers off as he climbed onto the bed. Nesta laughed when he growled and ripped the offending garment off of himself. Her laughter trailed away as she caught sight of Cassian’s sizable cock. She smirked, as she ran her knuckles along the underside of his shaft. 

“Looks like wing size is an accurate representation after all.” Nesta wrapped her hand around him, slowly stroking up and down.

Cassian hissed, “Nes, I have to ask,” he looked into her eyes for any traces of hesitation, “you’re sure this is what you want?” 

Nesta raked her nails down his back. “If you are not inside me in the next thirty- seconds, Cassian,” Nesta crooned, “I am getting up and walking out that-”

Before Nesta could finish her sentence, Cassian lined himself up with Nesta’s entrance and pushed inside of her. She gasped as he slowly slid into her, feeling herself stretching open with each inch. When Cassian was fully seated inside her, Nesta unclenched her fingers from Cassian’s back, leaving crescent shaped impressions behind.

“Move,” she rasped.

He didn’t need to be told twice. Cassian slowly pulled out before quickly thrusting back in. Nesta mewled and wrapped her legs around Cassian’s back.

“Faster!” She gasped. “Harder.”

Cassian continued, setting a steady rhythm. Cauldron, she was tight, but Cassian would be damned if he didn’t last longer than an adolescent male. They moved together, moans piercing the air, only disrupted by the sound of skin slapping together or Cassian’s occasional moan of Nesta’s name. 

Nesta lightly slapped Cassian’s shoulder. “Cass,” she panted, “I wanna, ugh, wanna ride you.”

Cassian groaned before adjusting his wings and flipping them both over. As Nesta shifted to get a better angle, Cassian crossed his hands behind his head.

“Don’t mind me, sweetheart,” he drawled, “I’ll just lay here and enjoy the view.”

Nesta glared at Cassian as she began rolling her hips, but a smiled began to curl at the corners of her lips. “You overgrown,” another role “Illyrian.” Again. “Bat.” Cassian’s hands moved to her hips. “Don’t be upset that I can make myself cum faster than you can.”

With a growl Cassian began moving his hips in earnest, meeting every downward roll of her hips with a thrust. His mouth latched onto her breast, worrying her nipple with his teeth. Nesta wrapped one hand in Cassian’s hair and placed the other on the shoulder, using Cassian for better leverage. 

“Nes,” Cassian panted, releasing her nipple, “you’re fucking amazing.” He ground against her. “So fucking beautiful,” Cassian followed each word with a kiss, starting with one on her neck. “Incredibly smart,” a kiss to her shoulder, “and the strongest fucking being I have ever met,” a final kiss above her heart.

Nest could feel her eyes starting to water. She grabbed Cassian’s hair, using it to pull his head up. “Stop talking and fuck me like you mean it,” she growled.

Cassian’s eyes hardened, and he plunged into her. Nesta could feel her core tightening, and she shoved her hands into Cassian’s wings, determined to make him cum before her. Cassian yowled, and a few thrusts later he came, thrusting deeply before filling Nesta with his release. As she felt his release, Nesta followed Cassian over the edge. Pleasure crested over her again as her second orgasm of the night hit her. 

The second the aftershocks stopped, Nesta rolled off of Cassian. She didn’t bother with a sheet as she strolled towards her bathroom. Before she entered the door, she turned around to look at Cassian, who had sat up to watch her. Nesta’s face was once again a blank mask. 

“When you can walk again you can show yourself out. I’m sure Rhysand or my sister will come retrieve me when I am allowed to leave.”

With that, Nesta turned around and walked into her bathroom, shutting the door behind her. A second later Cassian heard the shower start. With a sigh, he flopped backwards onto the bed.

***

Nesta stood under the spray of the water. She had finally taken her hair down, and she imagined she looked something like a drowned rat. 

Gods damn it, she thought, why did I do that? She blindly reached for some shampoo, figuring she should at least wash her hair. Why did I do any of this? 

She hadn’t met what she said to Feyre. Feyre didn’t break Elaine. Elaine wasn’t broken, just different. And even if she was broken it would have been Hybern’s fault, not her sister’s. But she had been so angry and Feyre had decided to bring up their childhood. Like Nesta didn’t know she had been terrible. Like she didn’t regret forcing her youngest sister to hunt to supply food for their whole family. 

She scrubbed the shampoo through her hair and turned around to let the water wash it out. And Cassian? Why Cassian?

Nesta knew she had been cruel. Cassian had probably thought this was going to be the beginning of some big thing between them. Maybe even going as far as to think that Nesta would acknowledge the bond that they had. Instead, she’d used him. Fucked him and discarded him like all those other males. She had kicked him out the second they had finished. He deserved so much better. She could still feel his cum dripping down her legs. 

Nesta grabbed the conditioner and scrubbed harder, pulling at her hair before letting the water wash away the conditioner. She figured Cassian should have gone by now. She hadn’t given him the option to stay. 

She should have died in the Cauldron. She had forced it to give her something back for the suffering it had inflicted on her, but it was no help. She couldn’t fix everything that was wrong with her. Sometimes she wished she’d died when she had thrown herself on top of Cassian, but that would have meant Cassian died as well. She didn’t want that. She caused pain to her family, to the people she may have been able to call her friends, to Cassian. She was worthless.

Nesta could feel the tears building up behind her eyes. Just this once, she would let herself cry. Alone, in her shower, in a house that was completely empty; here, she could let herself cry.

***

Cassian sat on the bed before getting up and walking out of the room. He wandered to Azriel’s room, looking for a pair of underwear to replace the ones he had torn off of himself. After hundreds of years, loaning him a pair of underwear was the least Az could do. Cassian grabbed a pain of Azriel’s boring, gray boxers, tugging them up his legs. Someone needed to bring some color into Azriel’s life. When he got back into the room, he could still hear the shower running. Cassian changed the sheets and made the bed; Nesta wouldn’t do it and as irritated as he was, Cassian didn’t want her to be uncomfortable. He walked around the room, tossing his clothing into one pile, and Nesta’s into another. When he had gathered all their clothing, he sighed, accepting that Nesta wasn’t going to reemerge. 

Just as Cassian reached for his pants, he heard a sniffle through the door. He paused, listening. Another sniff was followed by a soft whimper, and then, causing Cassian’s eyes to widen in shock, a wail emanated from the behind the closed door. Gasps could be heard between her sobs, as Nesta cried in her shower.

Cassian grabbed his pants. Did he leave? Did he wait here? Did he go in?

As the crying continued, Cassian decided he couldn’t stand there while Nesta, his gods damned mate, had a breakdown alone in the shower. He looked at his clothing and sighed. Cassian tugged on his pants and shirt, leaving his leathers and siphons on the bed, before he followed Nesta into the bathroom.

***

Nesta didn’t hear the door open over the sound of her sobs. 

“Nesta?” Cassian yelled through the steam-filled room. “Nes what’s wrong?”

Nesta wiped her eyes, trying to stop the tears. “What the fuck are you doing in here, Cassian?” she shouted back, her voice wavering.

“Nes, come on,” Cassian yelled back, making his way toward the shower. “I could hear you crying in the bedroom. I wasn’t going to leave you alone!”

“It’s none of your concern!” she retorted.

“The fuck it isn’t!” Cassian retorted. “We have sex, you leave and start crying in the shower, and I’m not supposed to be concerned?” Cassian scoffed. “That’s not how this works Nes and you know it.” 

Cassian had reached the shower and grasped the handle. “I’m coming in,” he asserted.

Before Nesta could protest, Cassian had opened the door and slid into the shower with Nesta. She turned away, trying to hide her face from him.

“Nesta,” Cassian’s voice was soft. He stood behind her, not making any move to reach for her. “Nesta, please, what’s wrong?” 

Nesta didn’t acknowledge him, refusing to turn around. Her tears streamed silently down her face, mixing with the water from the shower. 

Cassian could see her shoulder’s shaking a bit. He wanted to reach out, to gather her into his arms, but he wouldn’t invade her space. Not that much.

“Did I do something?” he croaked, his voice breaking. “Did I hurt you?”

Nesta wailed and turned around, throwing herself at Cassian. She had wanted to be strong, to keep from putting her pain onto him, but she couldn’t stand Cassian thinking he had made her to cry. Especially not after what they had just done. 

Cassian wrapped his arms around Nesta and sunk to the floor of the shower. He rubbed her back slowly as she cried. If Nesta wanted to talk, she would talk. He would just hold her until she was ready. 

Nesta’s sobs slowed, and she looked straight ahead. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times, before she finally spoke. 

“I don’t deserve any of this,” Nesta whispered. “I hurt my sisters. I keep hurting my sister, and I hurt you.” Cassian ran is fingers through her hair as she sniffled. “I was selfish. I- I used you for sex. Because I wanted to feel something, and you were there. And it was cruel because you aren’t some random male, you’re you.” 

It was as if Nesta couldn’t stop talking once she started. “And Fey-Feyre,” Nesta sniffled. “She’s trying to help, I know. But she took care of us for so long. Why can’t she let me drown now? It would be so much easier,” Nesta hiccupped. “And poor Elaine,” she moaned, “Elaine was the good one, and I ruined her, I let her be thrown into the cauldron.” 

Nesta’s sobs started again “Cassian why? Why am I like this?”

Cassian gripped Nesta tighter. “Nesta,” he placed his had under her head, gently turning her neck up to look at him, “you are not a burden.”

Nesta’s lower lip quivered, but Cassian continued to speak. “Feyre has long since forgiven you for how you were growing up. Do not forget that you were also a child. And Elaine is healing. Every day she spends more time in the gardens, and she speaks to Azriel like she talks to no one else.” 

Nesta tried to interrupt, but Cassian shook his head. “Let me finish,” he asserted. “Feyre is you sister. You two will always fight, but you will also be able to apologize, to make up for the harsh words. The only difference is that now you are both incredibly strong females, and sometimes when you’re angry your powers get the best of both of you. I’m sure she’s just as upset as you are.”

Cassian took a deep breath and looked into Nesta’s eyes. “And finally, you are one of the most maddening females I have ever met, but I would sooner be used by you every day of the week than to know another male is holding you, touching you. Nesta I am yours, if you’ll have me, and in whatever way you want me. My soul is forever bound to yours.

“When you were thrown into the cauldron, it was both the worst and best day of my life. I hated how you suffered, how everything broke for you, but that was also the day that I realized you were my mate. That I will never regret knowing. I only wish we could have found out a different way, a better way.”

Cassian stroked Nesta’s hair before continuing. “You bring me happiness, you bring me joy. If you don’t want me, I’ll respect that, but please stop punishing yourself. You deserve to be just as sickeningly happy as Feyre and Rhys.” Nesta let out a small laugh. “If you decide you never want to complete the mating bond,” Cassian’s voice wavered for a second. “I’m not going to lie, it’ll hurt, but I’ll be fine as long as I know you’ve found happiness.

“So please Nesta, you are not alone, and the world is certainly better with your presence in it. I hope one day you can see yourself the way I can see you: as something utterly extraordinary.”

Nest sniffled and nestled closer into Cassian, her tears now silent. For a while they sat in silence, letting the water rain down upon them. Soon, Nesta’s tears stopped, and she looked up.

“I’m not quite sure how to be happy,” she started. “I don’t know how to fix things with Feyre, or how to help Elaine. But what I do know is that the time we spent together today is the happiest I have ever been,” Nesta sighed. “I’m not ready for a mate, and I have no clue if I ever will be.” Nest paused and took a deep breath. “But I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want to let us go. I’m not sure where exactly we go from here, but I want it to be somewhere,” Nesta let out a final sniffle and wiped her face. “As long as it’s not the Spring Court.”

Cassian threw is head back and let out a raucous laugh. Nesta could feel her mouth curling into a smile. “Nesta,” Cassian gasped through his laughter, “I promise, that unless there’s a very fucking good reason, we will never willingly go to the Spring Court.”

Nesta couldn’t help but begin to laugh along with him. It was then she realized that her hand had curled into Cassian’s shirt. His sopping wet shirt. 

“Cassian,” she inquired pulling back to get a good look at him, “why are you wearing your clothes in my shower?”

Cassian blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t want you to think I just came in here for more sex. Wearing clothes seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Nest laughed. A full body laugh that shook her entire being. Cassian decided that this was in fact his new favorite sound.

“Well,” Nesta remarked through her laughter, “I think the first place we’re going is the laundry room.” 

Cassian smiled, his eyes crinkling up around the corners. He pulled Nesta closer, and the two sat there until the water began to run cold.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this mental image of Cassian getting into Nesta's shower, fully clothed, and Nesta not noticing until later. This is what came of the idea. I'm sorry that it's kind of a mess.


End file.
